Elite Catalogs and Cabinet Porn

21 Oct

It’s late October, which means Halloween is nearby, with Thanksgiving and Christmas close on its heels.  Which means one thing:

It’s catalog season.

I’m getting all kinds of weird catalogs in the mail, especially since The Powers That Be know that I have children and will need to buy them every possible thing they desire for Christmas else they suffer from horrible childhood trauma.

Today I got the HearthSong catalog.  “Toys you feel good about giving,” they said.

Inside the front cover, I saw this:

Kids play in balls larger than they are

GBOP from Hearthsong.com

My first thought was SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.  How crazy would that be to have something like that?  (Or, as my son said when he saw this, “crazy awesome!”)  I could see us totally laughing our heads off playing with this thing.  Yeah, it’s $89, (for one) but it’s huge!

Then a few more thoughts crossed my mind:

We live at the top of a hill, which slopes down to a pond.  That could be a problem.

We would play with it obsessively for one weekend, and then put it away.

And where would we put it?  It’s huge.

OK, so maybe the Great Big Outdoor Play ball isn’t the right gift for us.  But look at this!

PutterPool from Hearthsong.com

PutterPool from Hearthsong.com

Now this I could do.  We have level floors, so no chance of rolling downhill to a drowning death.  And I love mini-golf!  This would be fun.  And it’s only $70.

It would take up my entire family room.

How long till we’d lose half the balls?

And where would we put it when we were done with it?

That’s when it occurred to me.  This was a rich person’s catalog.  And come to think of it, I didn’t so much envy the toys in here (although they’re pretty awesome) as much as I envied the house.  I mean, look at that house in the PutterPool picture.  That room has beautiful windows!  And from the artfully scattered toys, I can guess that’s a playroom.  I can just imagine the rest of this house, and this family.  The house is beautiful, orderly.

Clean.

That’s why I love the Home Decor board on Pinterest.  The houses are perfect in a way mine will never be, even when the kids are grown and moved out.

That’s why I love watching Food Network, too.  It’s like clean kitchen porn.

Oh, yeah, baby.  Look at those counters.  Now let me see the cabinets.  Yeah, just like that.

Oh, yeah, baby. Look at those counters. Now let me see the cabinets. Yeah, just like that.

So this catalog isn’t so much selling toys as it is a fantasy lifestyle.  Which is silly, considering my life is pretty awesome.  Even though just about every flat surface is covered in clutter, and I’m dressing the kids out of the hamper of clean, unfolded laundry.

I’m a lot happier when I’m content with what I have, instead of striving for a fake world that doesn’t exist.

But I’m probably going to get the kids these Make-Your-Own-Robots.

******************

More about how toys are taking over my house in Guilt Legos and Pointy Elbows

See why I’m watching Food Network instead of ESPN in Action Popcorn and Athletic Ignorance

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2 Responses to “Elite Catalogs and Cabinet Porn”

  1. rox October 22, 2013 at 6:16 pm #

    Clean kitchen porn – I love it!

    • marymascari October 22, 2013 at 6:17 pm #

      It’s all about what gets you excited. 🙂

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